Not only did I fall off, that sumbech rolled backwards and right over me. It’s sitting there, looking at me and telling me to get up or it’s gonna roll me again. I look like crap. I feel like crap. I’m trying to listen to that little wagon that should.
If you’re someone who struggles with an NBD (neurobiological disorder) you know how hard it can be to find that mental stamina to fight through the day. Waking up is hard. Getting out of bed is hard. Work is hard. I try to keep a smile plastered to my face but I’m just so tired, beat and stressed all the time, lately. It’s never really easy, but sometimes NBD gets the best of you. It doesn’t give you a choice. It doesn’t care if you got bills to pay and food to put on the table, or if you got goals you’re trying to reach and the want to train your best. If it wants you down, it brings you down. All the way to the bottom. And, there’s no save in this game; you don’t get to resume where you left off. You gotta start from scratch and build yourself back up to something.
My race was June 2nd. The TMC Meet Me Downtown 5k. The largest 5k in Tucson. It was an amazing race. I ran my best time. I met Amby Burfoot TWICE, and he remembered me. I got side work opportunities. I got my first race medal. I felt on top of the world.
I haven’t done a damn thing since then. Nothing, but be out of my mind. No gym, no running, mucho nada but eat donuts and be everything not me.
I was having an episode.
NBD strikes, again! Albeit, it was a small episode, almost nothing compared to ones I’ve had before. They’re infrequent, without pattern and predictability. During a small episode, I don’t really know that anything’s different until after, when I feel different about myself. I can’t say better, but different. Like, I’m aware, like what the hell was I doing? Was that really me? It’s honestly something I don’t really like to talk or think about.
But, this is me. This is my life. This is what I have to live with. I have Paranoid Schizophrenia. Sometimes, it has me. I have dreams and goals. Some immediate, some so far out of touch they’re there just so I have something to always reach for. Some, just because. Sometimes, NBD gets in the way of everything. I’m still working on accepting that.
Like I said, this isn’t something I rather enjoy talking about, but I do not shy from it. If you have questions you are welcome to ask. But, don’t always expect an answer because I’m not a science module or whatever. I am a human. I have limits, and I am very vocal about accepting/protecting someone’s personal space. You don’t get to pick at me.
I feel like I’m on the upswing, so hopefully within the coming days I’ll get back to updating about running.
if anyone has fallen off track, and outta struggling to get back on, this is for you!
we can do this
(Source: haveahealthyday, via pandapre-deactivated20120712)
I run like a Bass.
After a week and a half of mental setback, I was able to get up today and run. I missed MMM for the first time yesterday due to work (can’t ignore time and a half!), so today was the perfect day to hit Rillito River. I haven’t been there since January. This evening floated at 95 degrees so while still hot, it wasn’t that bad. I do need to hurry up and invest in a hydration belt. I hate carrying a bottle in my hand, and I can’t not be without water out there. The run was ok, not the greatest, not the worst. Lots of stopping to admire the view of the mountains at sunset. Also, encountered two rattle snakes. Heard one as he rattled at me from down in the riverbed. The other was warming himself on the paved track. Ran at a turtle pace but that’s alright with me. Wasn’t in a hurry to get anywhere.
queue- at work
(Source: i-will-make-you-fit, via fudgeclusters-deactivated201207)
Having mental setbacks. Gotta fight through this.
(Source: s-cal-es, via pandapre-deactivated20120712)
Yeskas Veggies Smell As Good As Bacon!: Running Workouts During Summer Heat -
1. Run before the sun gets above the horizon. Get up early during the warm months to avoid most of the dramatic stress from the sun and to enjoy the coolest time of day. Without having to deal with the sun, most runners can gradually adapt to heat. At the very least, your runs will be more…
(Source: active.com, via yeskasveggiessmellasgoodasbaconn)
If you become restless, speed up. If you become winded, slow down. You climb the mountain in an equilibrium between restlessness and exhaustion. — (via runningonblinddreams)